Befriending your brain

World Mental Health Day was on Sunday, but it’s never the wrong time to break the ice.

I am grateful to live in a part of the world where the conversation around mental health is opening up by the year, as not everyone has access to this privilege. Wellbeing practices are being incorporated into the professional environment, mental health disorders are being destigmatised through our rich media, and there is less focus on qualities such as ‘resilience’ or ‘endurance’. Or maybe their meanings are just being refashioned to fit the modern landscape.

I have tried to write this post numerous times, constantly worried that my words would be cringeworthy, that they would be unoriginal, that they wouldn’t really be able to help people. I was anxious that they would just become lost in the noise of the internet, but I’ve resolved that I will be satisfied if they have an effect on at least one or two people that read them.

I am no expert on mental health, and I can only write from experience. So, I want to share some of the mindsets and methods that I’ve picked up, through the internet and other people, which have helped me deal with my brain over the years.

First of all, you don’t always have to be productive. For perfectionists in particular, school and university can make it difficult not to annex your academic achievements to your own self worth. At the peak of lockdown, it was easy to become swamped by pictures on Instagram, of people sharing the new hobbies they had picked up. Obviously, it was great to see people inventing new ways to occupy their time, but when you’re already struggling, the last thing you want to see is a picture of somebody’s perfectly shaped banana bread, or how many single-handed push-ups someone can do with a 50kg dog on their back.

Be okay with doing nothing. Go outside and count the number of bees that pass overhead. I still struggle a lot with relaxing, but it becomes easier and more exciting when I remind myself that I am straying from the natural order of our ultra-competitive society.

*insert weirdly long picture of tree*

Remember that there is nothing wrong with you, and you don’t need to be ‘fixed’. You are, and have always been, whole. One of the reasons why I struggled with the idea of therapy, initially, was that it reinforced in me this discomfort and urgency to ‘be repaired’. I was recognising how damaging my thought patterns were, and instead of directing my little energy to changing those thoughts, I directed it towards myself and started catastrophising. However, it is important to separate yourself from your brain’s noise, because you are not your thoughts, no matter how ‘true’ they may appear.

Building on that, there’s no harm in trying therapy. It’s not for everyone, for many nuanced and subjective reasons, but you never know if you don’t try. There are also so many different kinds, and so if one does not work for you, there is a chance that another will. It’s also important to go in with the right approach; don’t begin sessions expecting to be healed. You don’t need to search outside yourself for techniques, because you already have all the tools you need, and as cliche as it might sound, your therapist is there to help you find them.

Stop trying to please everyone. There are always going to be people who find fault in what you do. It’s kind of liberating when you realise that not everyone is going to like you, because you stop bending over backwards for them.

This life is yours to live, so as long as you aren’t deliberately hurting anyone, do what you want.

Hype yourself up. Someone I know recently shared their number one job interview hack. They told me that, prior to their interview, they cheer themselves on for five minutes and throw their hands above their head, which really gets them buzzing. This method has never failed them since.

I think that this technique can be applied in daily life in general. Reward yourself for getting out of bed. Cheer yourself on if you’re stepping outside for the first time in two weeks. Be your own biggest fan.

Relish in the small victories, and take a few moments every day to reflect on how far you’ve come. You might not be able to see it, but there are a thousand little victories that have led up to this moment in your life right now. You might not even have believed you would get this far, but here you are. And I am proud of you for that.

If I could tell my teenage self about all the wonderful people I would meet, all the confidence I would gain, and about how incredible life can be if you give yourself time, I would jump at the chance.

I still have plenty of work to do, but these are some of the principles that have, and continue to, help me manage the heavy days. If you are going through a difficult time right now, take each minute as it comes. You have heard this a million times before: but it will get better. Maybe not tomorrow, or next month, but maybe next year, or sometime after that. At some point, you will make it out, and you will be stronger than ever.

The most important thing is that you are alive. That is more than enough.